3 yrs today. Yay!
When I was a kid, I had a very different perception of what being married means. I feel that being married is an automatic way of life..yes like drinking water or breathing..you get it? LOL!
Ofcourse it changed when I realized I had Aunts, Uncles, family friends etc. who chose not to marry or have not yet at the time.
As I grow older – maybe entering into the teen stage, I always think that when you choose to get married you have to married forever and that this is very easy to do.
That was until I saw people who opened up about family issues on marriages falling apart. I cannot fully understand. That was during the time I am just only starting to discover what love is! So imagine how it was so ideal. So, I was not buying the stories of separation or broken marriages. I always perceive all cases are caused by people who either just let external factors ruin the marriage or people who easily gave up. Ofcourse now understand it is not usually and not really the case.
Then, I experienced having my own relationships. As I matured, I know that while kilig and romance is always part of the good, lasting relationships, those are not the ONLY ingredients for relationships to stay happy..and to last.
Things change as I prepare to get married myself..
Before getting married.
Months into the marriage, I felt I became more nostalgic and had more time to self reflect on my preferences, things I was able to overcome, things which made me happy on the different parts of my life. I do not know if it is always the case for a bride-to-be to be in a “throwback” mood and be sentimental with all the memories of the singlehood and even childhood. Maybe it is brought about by the thought of the milestone to come. Or it could be because — as you do the wedding preparations, you suddenly remember the people important to you to be on your wedding day, the choices you make for the wedding as a reflection of the person you have become, or even have the chance to remember the community you grew up in. Remember, in completing the requirements you have to gather different information and obtain requirements which are usually obtained from the place, church etc you were born or raised.
It all made me realized how to celebrate my individuality, how blessed I am. And going to be constantly with somebody for the rest of my life give me both excitement exciting and cluelessness for me. What will happen? What should I expect? I mean, I have been with the guy for five years but I know it will be different..
Things I learned (as the random working woman building her own littlr family) so far about being married:
1. Marriage is indeed a choice and a commitment.
Some things really tested my decision to get married. Helloooooo??!! the questionnaire pa lang in the Pre Cana will really make you think! Haha! Not to question the love but the capability to commit. Is it enough? Is it already worthy to make a promise in the church which is very sacred for me?
My then fiance also admitted having second thoughts not with getting married but with the thought of how it is to be actually married —-because he knows how important the role of the husband is and eventually how being the head of the family is. And that was okay. I’d rather know that we are both really thinking about what we are going into aside from being sure of each other. Ofcourse, deciding to commit to the person you really want to marry and love for the rest of your life is still the most solid foundation. But, establishing a married and family life is more than that..
I put high regard to personal freedom, even if some people close to me would think I am not. I felt, at that time, that having to be submissive and learning to compromise is something I should be consciously be adjusted to as part of the commitment during.
While I went through all of these, I understood more why getting married is a choice. It’s not the only path people can take. It is something to be sure of. I understand while some people take time to commit..that age and peer pressure is not the reason to get married. It is choosing the right person with all the right reasons and not what the society dictates.
There are times I wish I do not over manalyze things. But, this time I am glad I did. I am glad I reflected enough. I knew my limits, identified the things I am willing to sacrifice, and set my priorities in the life Id be getting into.
There are still a lot of things I need to learn. We may be on our 3rd year of getting married and 8th year of being a couple but it does not mean we already stopped discovering things about each other. The world is evolving which also hold true for our relationship.
You have to love the person to be married..ofcourse.. But, you also have and commit and do your part in staying in love.😉
2. It is important to value your spouse as a partner and mean it.
Yeah it is obvious that your spouse is your life partner. But, I have learned there’s so much meaning to it. As in more than the fist-bump-secret-handshake-tag-team-tayo type of partnership haha!
After graduation, my parents gave me freedom to plan and decide on my own. For them, I am already an adult who has freedom to do what I want as long as I am responsible and ready to face consequences. And I loved it! I felt that while they were strict when we were still studying, I appreciate the freedom to explore things on my own. I admit I was not able to be financially independent at once which is why I still respect and honor our “house rules”. I also had my own heartbreaks in different aspects of my life. But, I loved my new found freedom and enjoyed my personal choices like never before. I fell in love with traveling even more since I was allowed to go on my own. I discovered different things, since I am in control of my time and of the things I do.
I can say I had a blast being single.
There were people who asked me when I was 27, “4 years na kayo, pwede ka na mag asawa, di ba?” And my thought bubble was like.. “umm no?!!! why are you even asking me like that. I am not ready” lol! I was just not prepared at that time. For some, getting married at 29 (one month short of being 30), is actually to early. It really depends on YOU.. and YOUR LIFE. As I have said, I was enjoying the moment and was not ready to get the approval of another person before doing anything.. just yet..
Until I have to think about these things. Before saying I do, I knew I had to let go of some things I ususally decide on my own. I really have to prepped myself up since I am bit stubborn. Hehe. My friends know how stubborn I can be and how being submissive is like taboo for me, where is the fun in that?!Kala nyo ganun ganun lang ikasal noh. Bwahaha! 😜
Kidding aside, I know being submissive as the wife is a sign of respect and duty to your spouse, sabi nga sa Pre Cana. But, there are times I honestly tell my husband if I feel restricted. And he would suggest things on how we can compromise. I have to give this to my husband. He was really the one who initiated by example to show me how we can be partners. He can be my partner in achieving my personal goals and passion projects. He supports my career and acts as a partner when I need some guidance and listens to me when I have to air out some work-related stress. Hehe. He reminds me that I do not have to work on my own to achieve my personal goals as he can also work in helping me. And I can do the same for him. And we can both work on achieving our projects and goals as a couple and as a family.
Not only that, he is also my partner when things get rough. What I appreciate from him is that whenever I feel down or the world is not going my way, he is still there and we can work it out because we are a TEAM. Probably, one of the most assuring words I heard from him.
3. God is really the center of the relationship.
This one really helped us. As in realllllyyyyyy. No marriage is perfect and we know it.
We are just like any other couple.
I can say we have experienced things that could break other relationships but ours did not. When I say things, it ranges from small to big. My dad is right when he said it is the smallest and most random things that matter sometimes once your married. Like putting the clothes to the hamper, closing the tube cap of the toothpaste (which is usually my husband’s issue of me hehe) etc. I know some can relate. It is those everyday things which need to be addressed at times, to make your relationship more peaceful as husband and wife hehe.
But, ofcourse we also had our fair share of achievements unclocked which we are truly proud of. We had plans that actualized. We had projects completed. We are grateful of fun, great memories we have built even in a still a bit short span of time getting married.
But as I have said, we are still just like any other couple with individual interests and goals. We are still learning and I think marriage is a journey. And I am glad God is in the center. Whenever I feel I do not understand things or we do not hnderstand things, I am amazed by certain blessings and graces He make us realize as a couple. And I can attest to that.
To Jess, woohoo! 💚 We are a work in progress, I know. We still got a long way to go and a lot of desires to pray for especially this journey. But, 3 yrs is an achievement in itself. For me, every anniversary is. The world is evolving, our personalities changing, our dreams growing but it is important to be reminded of #marriagefirst.
Sharing the link for more photos from our wedding photographer in our Wedding AVP by Toto Villaruel Photography which I just uploaded finally yay! lol. All photos in this post are from the same photographer. 💕